Today my brother left for London, he said he had fun and relaxing time with us. We did have a great time with him here and we are so grateful he insisted in spending the holidays with family and he didn’t choose anybody but us. It was nice to have him here and I told him so. I am quite sad that he is gone, but it is nice to have some quiet and tidiness after a busy three weeks. But his departure made me think about how much I’ve changed.
I remember when I was 16, my sister came to visit us one summer and when the time came for her to leave, instead of saying goodbye I hid in my bedroom to cry.
Today instead of hiding my feelings, I told my brother how nice it was to have him here. I didn’t think it would have been the way it was. I thought I was going to be the big boring sister, but I didn’t do that. I let my brother be himself. We talked but I never let him feel little. His conversation and behaviour with other made me wonder when did my brother grew up? I don’t know this guy. He is so different from my younger brother. But then he reminded me of his old self when he played on Xbox or keep throwing snow balls at me. Sometimes he was the one in disbelief that I am a mother. He showed how proud he is of me and Miss AOI. Though sometimes I was overly protective, it felt natural letting him hold my daughter – the same with my mother in law (MIL). I observed him with my little daughter and my heart warmed each time, he was such an amore with AOI. He knew how to steal a smile from my lovely girl.
He came here to represent my mother, my sister and brothers – he told my mother “TAAI doesn’t say it but she needs you to be here.” When I said “AOI has this rash all over her neck.” He said “Don’t worry, all the babies have that, it will go.” For real? when did my little brother become all grown up? His affection for AOI reinforced the knowledge that AOI is truly blessed and that she is going to be showered with pure love by everyone. Even though some visitors bring noise and mess, his presence made me miss those who can’t come to visit, hold and talk face to face to AOI until April or later.
Oh life, slowly but surely we are growing up. Now, I do understand why I didn’t want people coming here as soon as I gave birth because now that sadness normal people feel after a loved come visit and leaves is here.
Too much talking of feelings and emotions.
What I did after he left at 4:30am, I fed AOI at 5am, slept again until 8am, had early breakfast at 6am. Went back to bed until 8:30am. Had shower at 9am, took some self portraits. 10am AOI woke up for another feed, then she played with daddy. Got AOI ready for the day at 11am. Went for lunch with daddy and AOI at a diner. Quickly fed AOI at the diner. Signed up at gym for Bellies, Buns with Baby, starting 16th Jan. 13:45pm fed AOI, I watched The Nanny Diaries and Mujhse Dosti Karoge!, she slept until 17:20pm, fed for 40mins. Now we are waiting for daddy to come home, in the meantime I will read and play with AOI.
This is my first day as stay at home something.